BEING THERE FOR YOURSELF // #WEDNESDAYWISDOM
Because, let’s face it: At the end of the day, the only person you can really count on is yourself.
Sure, we all have friends and family member who are there to support us; but that support isn’t guaranteed or unlimited. They have a life and other people they need to be there for. So that means that the majority of the time, you’re going to have to be there for yourself (whether you like it or not). I’m sure most people are already well aware of this, but it just sort of hit me all of a sudden a few days ago. I’m going to be turning 23 in less than a week. My life is FAR from perfect. I’ve seen my fair share of people come into my life, make a difference, and then walk right back out. I’ve had friendships come and go. Yet, the only really take away from it all was this: be there for yourself. be there when it counts, when it feels like no one else understands or gets what you’re going through.
On Tuesday, being there for myself, meant committing to running 6 miles. And, even scarier, to working out 5 days in a row this week. It was a pretty lofty goal to set, but I knew I was up to the challenge. In fact, I was able to shave a whole minute and half off my last 6 mile run time. I should have been on cloud nine, happy and proud beyond what can be expressed in words on this blog. And, for awhile at least, I was. It didn’t hit me until later in the day just how this whole upcoming birthday things was affecting me emotionally. So much has happened during my 22nd year on this earth: a lot of changes, both good and bad. But, all I can seem to focus on is the people who aren’t in my life for the tears and the triumphs.
What makes it even harder to process, is the fact that they aren’t here, because they simply don’t want to be.
There was no big confrontation or fight. No life altering circumstances that forced them out of my life. Just, the simple opening and shutting of a door. No formal goodbye or exchange of parting words. Just the slow, and gradual realization that for whatever reasons I wasn’t good enough to be in there life. That I wasn’t worth there time or effort. In this instance, being there for myself entailed giving myself permission to miss those people. Permission to wish they were still an integral part of my life, and around to talk to about virtually anything. On the flip side, I also had to remind myself I don’t want or need anyone in my life who isn’t 100% committed to making a positive impact.
Through all the tears and emotional breakdowns I came to the conclusion that I’ll probably never stop missing them, wishing they were there for every moment big and small. At the same time I found strength in knowing that I’m finally in place where I’m no longer afraid to let new people into my life. That I’m actually able to tear down some of the emotional and social walls that I spent so much time building up last year. On top of that, I’m finally able to see that the only person who can truly celebrate and appreciate all my victories is myself. And, that’s something I intend on doing a lot more often in the future.
This morning is a prime example. I didn’t want to get up at 4 a.m. to hit the gym by 4:45, even though this is only day 2 of my 5 day gym stretch. But, I did it and was able to get in a really fast 3 mile run. During that run, I was also able to somehow convince myself that whenever I’m finally able to run outside again everything will be okay. There won’t be any nasty falls or injuries or over-training. It will just be me, the pavement, and my music. And, that’s all you really need for the perfect run.