I cannot believe it has been four whole days sine I have last blogged! WHAT?? And once again I found myself coming up with the perfect title for this post via a podcast I was listening to while working out in my dorm room. This time, it was the Keeping up With Kelsey podcast by Kelsey Cansler. And boy did this specific quote/mantra/saying really hit home for me, especially at this point in my life. Specifically, over break I really could have/should have been using this mantra to get through the tough runs. The days when I wanted to blog, but had to work on a research paper instead. The days when I just plain felt like I wasn't doing enough to reach my goals.
So much has happened since my last post...aka I've made some progress, taken some huge steps forward towards my future goals, but am nowhere near perfect. I signed up for my half-marathon on Friday...and boy did that feel like the biggest/scariest step I've taken so far in my running journey. I mean, 5 years ago (maybe a little less) I was being talked into signing up for my first season of cross country by all my running friends and OMG I though that was super scary. Especially when we got that running packet at the end of the school year for summer training and I saw three miles during that very first week. I remember thinking that that would be so hard/impossible and how the *bleep* was I going to be able to run 8 miles by July?
I can remember contemplating doing a half-marathon during my sophomore year of college. However, at that time I was going through a lot in my personal life, changing majors, and had not ran farther than 6 miles since training for that first XC season. So, I told myself I couldn't do it. That racing wasn't for me. And that I would never be someone who enjoyed or was capable of running long distance. Well, well, well. Look where we are now. Officially in training for my first half-marathon! And I couldn't be happier about it. I have like 5 and 1/2 months until race day...so plenty of time to get ready mentally and physically. And all I can think looking back, is how much I have grown/progressed as a person.
I now have no problem sacraficing sleep for early morning workouts, and no problem sacraficing workout/gym sessions to spend time with friends and family. I went from struggling to workout in shorts or a tank top, to being able to run in both and even walk around the high school track in shorts/tights and a sports bra. Damn, talk about personal development and self-improvement. Yet, I would be lying if I said there haven't been set backs along the way. Days where I questioned my athletic abilities and felt like by not fitting the idealized image of what fitness and strengths looks like...I was a failure. An imposter.
But, when I take a minute to reflect on all that I have accomplished inside of the gym, outside of the gym, and with improving my confidence...I realize that it's okay to be a work in progress for the rest of my life. That it would be completely illogical to think that once I reach a certain look, or a specific number on the scale that I will have reached the theoretical finish line in this fitness journey. That, when I eventually get my dream job of writing articles for Runners World, I will not continues to strive to become a better writer and climb the career ladder.
And, as I begin the next journey of my life: half-marathon training, starting an internship, and oh yeah by the way...not being scared/nervous about the world of dating; I'm going in with my eyes wide open and my heart on my sleeve. A little niaive, and expecting way too much from myself. Expecting perfection, even when I know that what life is really about is enjoying the process. All of the ups and down. The unexpected twists and turns along the way. That's what leads to progress. And ultimately, I'm not here to fit the mold of what fitness/blogging/living a balanced life looks like. I'm here to break that mold. And hopefully not any bones along the way.
PS: First treadmill run after a week and halfish off wasn't too bad. 3 miles @ 9:35 pace. No real news on the whole broken toe debalacle. Just icing and tylenol and positive thoughts.