Running. Lifting.Blogging. and LiviNG lIFE IN THE hAWKEYE sTATE!!!

I NEEDED THAT

I NEEDED THAT

    I'm not gonna lie, the past week or so has been filled with a whole lotta ups and downs. Stress. Tears. Not feeling good enough. And oh ya being single on Valentines day yet again. I've had some really, really bad workouts, a few mediocre ones, and only one workout that you could really classify as good/solid/bad ass. I had no clue that today would be the workout that finally got me out of that funk. The workout where I was finally able to more than just tell myself that I was "good enough" and actually prove it. Because, running outside for the first time in 7ish weeks was anything but easy. And the obstacles were plentiful this morning.

    Do you ever just wake up and automatically I think I need this run to be the best freaking run of my life? Like, there is no chance in Hell that I'm going to settle for anything but giving 1,000% effort...no matter how much it hurts or how much I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Ya well today was one of those days. We got to the gym a little later than normal so there didn't happen to be a treadmill open. And at first I was totally going to settle for just stretching/foam rolling and killing time until one opened up. Even though that was completely out of the norm for me. Then it hit me all at once just how much I needed this run, to be the run that changed everything. The run that made me beleive in myself and my goals like never before. The run that sent my confidence and self-esteem sky high. The run that made me feel like I had done more than just survive this past week and all the shit life has thrown my way, but that I had gotten stronger. I had learned a lot about myself and my resiliency.

    So, in light of a crowded gym, I decided (completely on a whim and not dressed nearly warm enough given the temperature/wind) to take my run outside. I didn't have a plan. Or my handy dandy Garmin watch. I was in no way, shape, or from prepared physically or mentally to run outside and deal with the hill, wind, and all the other hazards that come with running outside. Oh yeah, not to mention the snow, ice, cold, and potential for falling on my ass or getting chased by a dog or hit by a car. And I fully expected one of these things to happen on this first outside run of 2018. Thankfully, I was wrong about this.

    When I took off, I was immediately glad that I just had my plain old Garmin watch instead of my gps one, because there is no way in Hell I could have dealt with that damn thing beeping at me to speed up. Heck, I took care of that myself whenever I felt I was going to slow or complaining about this or that hurting by saying to myself in my head, "PICK UP THE PACE GRANDMA." And believe it or not that tactic totally worked. I busted my butt on the uphills and I actually ran cautiously for once on the downhills and anywhere I could see patches of ice shimmering on the darkened sidewalks and roads. I even made a game out of it by jumping over any patches that I could and simply pretending they were hurdles and it made the whole running in the bitter cold more bearable.

    Despite the bitter cold and not being able to run my normal route, I felt like I could run forever. Literally. When I had completed the second altered lap of my usual route and saw that I had already ran 5 miles I was shocked. I still felt pretty decent, and I definitely think given better weather conditions or a pair of gloves...I so could have ran at least another 4 miles. And this was after running 8+ hills!!! And if you know one thing about me, it's that I hate hills. Because I suck at them...big time. Like it feels like I'm going so damn slow when I run up them that crawling seems like a better, more efficient option. Not today. Today, I absolutely destroyed those hills and made them my b*tch! Because, today I was on a mission.

    What was my mission you ask (or maybe you're just reading this because you have nothing better to do and you don't really care about said mission)? Well, it was to basically prove to myself (and if we're being real...everyone on the planet) that I am more than good enough. I am not someone who is going to settle for average. I am committed. I am a no excuses run your heart out leave everything on the pavement kind of person. I did this run for me, for fun, for every person out there who's gone through the whole "I'm not a runner because I'm not fast enough, athletic enough, skinny enough, etc." I wanted to, for once in my life, just run for the sake of running and having fun. I didn't glance down at my watch until I had hit the 5 mile mark, and that was so refreshing mentally.

    I finished that running feeling like a million bucks. And what's even better, the song "Sorry Not Sorry" by Demi Lovato came on at just the perfect time when I felt like I couldn't run anymore. Like the cold had gotten the best of me and it was time to give up. Which completely mirrored how I felt earlier this week. Like maybe dating just wasn't for me and it was time to head back to the sidelines once again. I mean, I had been there for 21+ years...so like why not? Then, it hit me that that would be taking the easy option out. That staying on the sidelines would be avoiding getting outside of my comfort zone. And that was a big No No...because 2018 is the year of yes. The year of believing in yourself. And I for damn sure know that I am good enough and that I'm not gonna go back to the sidelines and wait around hoping Thomas Rhett suddenly falls madly in love with me.

   
IS IT WORTH IT?

IS IT WORTH IT?

FUEL YOUR FIRE

FUEL YOUR FIRE