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TAKING A STEP BACK // SELF-REFLECTION

TAKING A STEP BACK // SELF-REFLECTION

    So far, this week hasn't been exactly ideal running-wise. Or lifting-wise either. There have been some highs and lows both inside and outside of the gym. If anything, this week proves that you can find the good in the bad...even when you are absolutely drenched in sweat to the point that it feels like you are crying mid-run whilst jamming out to "Part of Me" by Kay Perry. Yesterday's run was probably the most challenging/disappointing run of winter break. Which sucks, because I don't have all that much time left to have great workout in my favorite gym surrounded by people that motivate the shit out of me. I may or may not have ran super hard/fast on Tuesday and worked my ass off to hit a new front squat PR...so I wasn't expecting to run like a wild person on Wednesday. But, you know what they say...expect the unexpected.

    I was close to 2 miles in and not feeling terrible. I was ready to find a comfortably hard pace that I could hold for the rest of my 6 mile run. And then, somehow/someway, (probably because my running form isn't the best when running on the dreadmill) I accidentally knocked down the magnetic thingy that is classified as the emergency stop button. Like, K. If I really had a fracking emergency while on the stupid treadmill I would probably just hit the freaking red stop button. And maybe this was just the universe's way of telling me that I should not be aiming to run 6 miles every time I step on the treadmill. Or maybe this was just a cry for help from my banged up, sore, exhausted legs. Either way, I was pissed. I took a minute, and decided to fire the treadmill back up to 6.5 mph and just see how far I could go. 1 mile later I was done. And by "done" I mean completely over running and wondering why the heck people like me do this shit for fun.

    I'm not gonna lie, that shitty run absolutely had an effect on my lifting afterwards. Everything that I picked up felt heavier than it should have. And I felt way, way more self-conscious/out of place than I usually do in the gym. Which, honestly just pissed me off and put me in an even worse mood because I needed this arm day to be better than normal since Monday's lift was pretty half-ass. And you can bet I used the excuse that 1. I was fasted, 2. had a huge gap between my cardio and lifting, 3. Had blood drawn at the doctor's office and was convinced they had taken way too much blood. In addition, I had only been able to handle 4 miles of running, so I didn't have my normal super high energy post long run vibe going on.

    Today's workout was by far the best overall workout I have had so far. I was able to find a comfortable pace and really enjoy running 6 miles today. And whenever I felt like quitting early I would just repeat random Kelly Roberts mantras to myself until I felt empowered enough to keep on trucking. I literally had to tell myself over and over, "You are part of the bad ass lady gang/#sportsbrasquad, and you are out here trying to make the impossible possible...so you can't quit on yourself now." And I was thinking about how awesome I would feel when I was finally done and had made it the full 6 miles despite wanting to quit at least a dozen times. One thing that I kept reminding myself of when I was running, is just how far I've come in my running journey.

    Like, whoa hold the phone, running at 6.6 mph for the majority of a 6 mile run (on the icky treadmill) feels semi-easy/comfortable?! When did that happen? It's crazy to me even now after the fact to think that I am in that kind of shape and not at my lowest weight. I honestly have no idea what I weigh right now and could really care less. Because, I know based off of all the PRs I have hit over break that I am getting fitter, faster, stronger, and that's all that really matters. Looking back on this week, I definitely feel that even though it wasn't my best week, it was one of my strongest weeks. Not being able to run outside or have 40-50 mile weeks anymore is hard, harder than words can describe. And I know that it's not going to last for forever, but there are definitely days where it feels like it will.

    Even though I know I'm getting faster, I can't help but feel like I've taken a step back in terms of my running and training for the big 13.1 miles this summer. The furthest I've run since before Vegas is 6.5 miles that one time on the treadmill and I just barely ran that in under an hour. And, what's more, I feel like by the time it's nice enough for me to be able to run outside again, it will take months and months for my body to get readjusted to all the challenges that come along with it. I can't even imagine having to run 7-9 miles around town with all the big ass hills that are on my route right now. More than anything, scaling back my mileage has taught me just how much mentally I was getting out of those long runs. I felt way less stressed than I do now, I slept better, felt better about myself, and had more energy. This realization really motivates me to try to make the most of my treadmill runs, so that way once I get back to pounding the pavement the pavement doesn't literally pound back too much and make me hate how hard running outside can be.

   
REST DAYS AREN'T SO BAD

REST DAYS AREN'T SO BAD

SO, YOU'RE A RUNNER?

SO, YOU'RE A RUNNER?