Running. Lifting.Blogging. and LiviNG lIFE IN THE hAWKEYE sTATE!!!

Technical Difficulties

Technical Difficulties

    I seriously cannot believe that I had to take an entire week off of blogging all because me computer decided that now (aka the last two weeks before finals) would be a perfect time to act up. Like, okay, I would love to be able to just take off 6 days (Larry took this brat to the computer shop last Wednesday) from all the crazy stress that is the end of the semester. But, unfortunately, there were/are papers to write and a shit ton of information for me to cram into my brain before my one and only final exam next Tuesday. And of course my legs still aren't recovered from all that crazy mileage I got in over Thanksgiving break or a big fan of the treadmills in the dungeon. Funny story, the room number outside the fitness center literally says, "D130", so obviously I ain't lying when I tell y'all that that place is a freaking dungeon, with semi-decent weight machines that are slowly back surely getting your girl jacked (at least in comparison to how not jacked I was this summer lol).

    After those first two really fast 2 mile runs following my return after break, every single run has literally been the worst time of my life. No exaggeration here, at all! The farthest I have been able to run is 3 miles...and that was last Saturday. On top of that, I haven't been able to run any faster than 10 min miles either. This is the last thing I need stressing me out this close to finals week with a paper still yet to be written as well. So, I'm doing me best to be okay with where I am at running wise right now. Yes, I really, really want to be able to have those perfect 6-8 mile runs (preferably outside...but I would even settle for a long treadmill run at this point). And I know, I know, it's just a matter of time (weather pending) until I get to go back to running outside and setting both time and distance PRs. But, how the @#$% does that help me get through the final stretch of what has been an insane semester. Well, aside from blogging, I have found a few simple ways to try to not be a complete ball of stress and pretend that I'm perfect okay with running short and slow (which I will never be 100% okay with, at least until I'm 80+).

    With these last several runs being less than stellar, I've just been really focusing on getting in the zone and having good lifts. I have convinced myself that this way I can justify getting up at 4:15 every single morning and staggering down to said dungeon, still half asleep, to workout for anywhere from 2 to 3 1/2 hours. And I have been extremely luck in that I have had the gym entirely to myself for all of my workouts (no surprise there though) and that my body has been able to adjust to upping my lifting days from 3 days a week pre Thanksgiving break to 5-6 days a week currently. Granted, my legs are still fighting me/super pissed about having to be pushed past their breaking point two days a week on leg day...but I am confident that in time they will adjust (and your girl might even get that Kim K. booty!!) Oh, and I may have set a PR today on both the Hamstring machine and the number of Sit ups I can do in a row without feeling like my non existent abs are on fire.

    Distracting myself from thinking about running (especially how therapeutic my long runs were) has been the name of the game lately. And I know I will regret typing this but...writing these huge long normally terribly boring papers has really helped with that. Like, it's hard to think about anything else when you've got a big ass 10 page paper that you have to first write by hand and then go downstairs and spend two hours typing in the ITC center. And that is why I have not blogged in the last week, because that experience alone was enough to make me hate that place and even the thought of creating a "good" (although let's be honest, would any of you rate any of these rambling as good?) post was enough to make me want to vomit. So, 10 page paper was a distraction but not quite the stress relief I was looking for.

    Luckily, I had my final self-coaching journal assignment for my interpersonal effectiveness class (online, because you all know that Caitlyn is way to socially awkward to take an in-person class that essentially teaches you how to be a better communicator), to write on Sunday. That paper was so personal, detailed, and such a great de-stressor. Yeah, I got to be all braggy about how badass of a runner I am and was over break and yak on and on about how much progress I am making toward being able to run a half marathon this summer (which will probs just be doing my regular loop around BP...no real races for this chick, besides this way I am guaranteed to get first place!). Oh, and how finally I feel comfortable calling myself a "runner" after all these years of pounding the pavement/treadmill while simultaneously running away from every single obstacle/curve-ball life has thrown me. I even got to brag about how I ain't even scared any more to go into the free weight section of my hometown gym if there's other guy back there besides Trevor. Like yeah, I might be self-conscious as Hell well I'm back there, but at least I was able to make myself be okay with being uncomfortable. If you haven't been reading all of these posts in order (and trust me when I say that I completely understand why you haven't), then I should probably give a quick recap as to why that is such a huge deal for me. You see, people are super dumb/judgmental in high school, this should come as no surprise. I no longer lift in the high school weight room because of this fact. Therefore, learning to be comfortable lifting around other guys (even though they aren't those select few high school jocks how think it's perfectly alright to blatantly stare at/judge someone while they're working out) has been a struggle. So, yeah, huge victory for me.

    Now, I'll be the first to admit that this paper wasn't all unicorns and rainbows. I had to own up to a whole lot of shortfalls/mistakes I made in attempting to make progress towards both goals I set for myself in another paper for this class a few months back. And I am beyond thankful for the fact that our teacher is the only one reading our entire papers (we had to post like a one paragraph excerpt on our classes discussion page and you already know that I picked the most awkward/weir/crazy part of my paper to put on there). Granted, like with this blog, some of it has to be filtered so as to make it look like I at least lead a semi-normal life. I mean everybody has stuff that is not in any way, shape or form, appropriate for an academic paper, let alone a blog on the internet that anyone (like even people you know or sorta kinda know) can read. So, yeah, it was hard admitting to the mistakes I made in pursuit of these goals and the lack of effort on my part in regards to my non-running goal. Which is probably why I chose to include a whole paragraph on that issue in my classes online discussion. I just want someone to read that and be like, "Oh, I was in the exact same situation and here is a step by step dumbed down version of precisely what you need to do." I know darn well this is highly unlikely to happen, but a girl can dream right?

    Last stress outlet (I promise!!) and then this lengthy/rambly post will be over. I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a psychology minor. So, naturally, this combined with my sociology major has me over analyzing everything in my life. Okay, so, even though I am only minoring in psychology and clearly am not an expert on anything in that field; I find myself psychoanalyzing the shit out of my dream. Some might argue this actually causes more stress or is a complete waste of time that could be better spent on, well, pretty much anything. You might be right, but the real question is, how out there/completely random but at the same time entirely too real are your dreams? Because mine are pretty spot on in terms of just how realistic they are, and also how they connect so much to whatever is currently happening in my life. And from what little I do know about psychology, we all have cognitive processes that are unconscious and therefore out of our control for the most part. For example (when it comes to dreaming), I feel like our brains just randomly connect the dots to between what we have been doing/thinking or talking about recently and creates a story that turns into a dream, that turns into something we literally cannot get out of our heads.

    So, for me personally, over analyzing these dreams helps me to make sense of why I'm having them and maybe/possibly what they mean (if anything at all). And these dreams of course keep my on feet in the real world, make me a little more cautious when running outside or just in everyday conversation. Because, let's be honest, there's always a chance that: 1. What you dreamed is going to happen in real life, and said dream is your chance to practice/prepare for how you're going to react, or 2. You will say/admit to that same stupid thing you did in your dream in real life because somehow it wasn't a complete disaster in your dream, so what's the worst that could happen in real life.

    Okay. Way too long of a post, but I think I've gotten anyone who really cares, caught up to speed in what's been happening in the crazy mess that is Caitlyn's world. Will probably post again by Friday!
FIVE MILE FRIDAY

FIVE MILE FRIDAY

Mind Games

Mind Games