Running. Lifting.Blogging. and LiviNG lIFE IN THE hAWKEYE sTATE!!!

No Regrets, No Excuses

No Regrets, No Excuses

    This post is going to be about 10% running and 90% random life thoughts/happenings, so feel free to skip reading this one if that's not your cup of tea. Let's start with the running, because today's running was pretty spectacular, especially considering how far I ran yesterday. It was absolutely freezing out and of course I just had to get stopped by a freaking train only .6 miles in. Aside from that, everything went pretty smoothly, didn't even get close to falling on my ass (shocking I know). I had a few moments where I questioned whether or not I could pick the pace up...but then the minute I thought I saw someone I knew I realized that yest I could in fact run a whole lot faster, especially if I focused on lengthening my strides. Not gonna lie, at times it's almost like a game, "can you run fast enough to avoid being seen by someone when you look like hot mess." And this morning was no exception, I was dragging ass around mile 3 and the minute I caught a glance of a familiar vehicle, I was like "Shit, okay it's time to pick the pace up now." From there, the next 3.5 miles seemed to fly by. I really wanted to savor this run, and make sure I left it all out there on the streets/sidewalk. Also, it was a whole heck of a lot colder than I thought it would be (and I'm that dumb ass who thinks it's okay to wear heat-gear tights instead of cold-gear ones).

    Okay. Running stuff aside, its time to talk life stuff. I've never been a big drinker, in high school or college. I've seen family members struggle with alcoholism, so that has definitely played a role in making me extra cautious when it came to drinking. In addition, I've always looked at getting drunk/wasted/etc. as just another opportunity to do/say something that I would end up regretting. And believe me I have enough regrets that don't involve alcohol. Also, I am someone who is a bit of a control freak, so the idea of not being 100% in control of my actions/word choice/ect. freaked me out. Plus, I pretty much prioritize my running/work out schedule above everything. So, staying out till like 1 or 2 a.m. drinking has never been an option. Plus, I didn't want to deal with having to push my workout back because of being hungover. And up until this weekend, I've pretty much never had more than a drink or two at a time. To me, that is so crazy to think about, especially considering I'll be 22 in March. I don't feel like you have to necessarily have alcohol to have fun, but I feel like in moderation it can help you loosen up or relax.

    I feel like right now, as a Senior in college, I am in one of the most stressful points in my life thus far. I mean freshman year was pretty bad, but like now I have to figure out  like a million things with zero directions/instructions. And to add to that, I'm cutting for my family's trip to Vegas in December and trying to train for a half-marathon, oh and setting other high stress/high risk/scary AF goals that are literally impossible to accomplish (at least sober). And I finally got to the point where I was tired of making excuses for why I couldn't go out and occasionally drink to just have a good time and de-stress. And that's exactly what I did this past weekend. I knew I had an exam this Thursday, and four more major papers to write, plus a final exam before the semester would finally be over. And of course one of these papers just has to involve writing how much progress I have made toward accomplishing two goal I set about two months ago. K. Like I have no made nearly the progress I had thought I would by now, so obviously writing that paper in a month or so is gonna be depressing/stressful. So, how did this whole letting loose/being a little irresponsible/reckless go?

    I guess I should preface this story by saying that I am clearly not at the point alcohol tolerance wise where I would be even remotely comfortable going out drinking at a bar, because: 1. It literally takes like 4-5 beers for me to be stupid/sloppy drunk, and 2. I am no where near the point where I can filter what comes out of my mouth. So, with that in mind, lets get into it. If you are reading these post regularly and in order, you would no that Friday's workout wasn't so great and I was feeling just a tad (aka a whole lot) self-conscious, so I felt like having a few drinks would maybe help take my mind off that. I didn't intend to get drunk or say a bunch of stuff about stuff that is too personal to write on a blog, let alone say out loud around people who might tell other people about said personal stuff.

    And you know what, the strangest thing happened when I said all that stuff out loud and didn't have to pretend anymore like I have been for oh I don't know 3-4 months. I was like "Yes, finally you're willing to admit the truth, even if it took a few beers to get there." Did I wake up Saturday morning feeling like shit or regretting everything I had said? Nope and nope. I still got in a normal workout, even if I wasn't feeling 100% normal physically/mentally/emotionally. I then proceeded to do the exact same thing last night, with an extra drink added in and of course just a pinch of embarrassing/crazy things said. And yes I do believe that in my case anyway, drunk words are sober thoughts. Thoughts that I try to prevent myself from having/pretend don't exist. I feel more relaxed right now as I write this post, and that definitely showed in my past two long runs.

    So, does this mean I'm going to turn into the typical college student who binge drinks every weekend, all weekend? I don't think so, especially considering I can't have alcohol in my dorm and I have no desire to hit up the bars downtown or anyone to go with. And no, I unfortunately don't see the drunk words ever being uttered when I'm sober. So, I guess that means we're back to playing pretend, at least for the next 9 days until Thanksgiving break. You would think with all this pretending/acting I would be at least somewhat decent at it by now. But no, still awkward as all get out and almost incapable of putting together a coherent sentence. And forget about making/keeping eye contact in the actual face-to-face conversations. And yes I know there's no legitimate excuse for that and yes I will/do regret that. Okay. The End. Next post will be....I don't know. Sometime this week!


If it won't matter in 5 years, Don't spend more than 5 minutes upset by it

If it won't matter in 5 years, Don't spend more than 5 minutes upset by it

Focused // The Day You Stop Looking Back

Focused // The Day You Stop Looking Back