Running. Lifting.Blogging. and LiviNG lIFE IN THE hAWKEYE sTATE!!!

Mind Games

Mind Games

    Catchy title, right?! I was originally going to go with 'Technical Difficulties' and drone on and on for at least a few paragraphs about how stressed out I was yesterday afternoon/last night when my computer randomly decided to crash three times and claimed to 'repair' itself each time. I would then craftily transition from there to how when a human has a breakdown or really terrible day(s), there is no repair or quick fix. But, typing that post sounded way to depressing and my computer is back to normal and you obviously came here for the running/fitness stuff, so let's get to that.

    I finally broke my streak of terrible, slow, and completely snot filled outdoor runs on Monday, when I was able to finally feel semi-normal while running at a semi-fast pace (9:52) for an enjoyable 6.5 miles. Now, don't get me wrong, there was still plenty of snot involved and plenty of times when I wanted to quit/cut the run short/continue to use the whole I'm sick so I can't give 100% excuse. However, my desire to have a good run and actually feel good while running trumped all of those excuses. I then proceeded to have a fantastic last workout at the gym for a while, and yes I know you've already heard a million times about how much I miss that place when I have to go back to working out in the dungeon by myself, with no social interaction to distract/motivate me to get through my workout and blah blah blah. Well, I'm probably never going to quit saying how much I hate working out solo at 4:45 a.m. in the dungeon. But, today was a slightly different story.

    Now, with all the stress of the technical difficulty situation, coupled with the fact that this would be my first indoor run in nearly 2 weeks, I was unsure of what my expectations should be going in. I also, haven't had a day off from running since that lovely trip to the Mall of America, so I made sure to actually be smarter than normal this time and ice my legs on Monday night. I also gave myself a little pep talk while I was laying on my dorm room floor at 4:20 this morning stretching in preparation for what should have been a very difficult, and mentally taxing run. "It's only 2 miles, that's nothing compared to how far you've been running lately. There's no hills, so this is gonna be a piece of cake." Great pep talk right? Well, apparently so cause I walked in there and ran my fastest 2 mile treadmill run since September 25th!! I absolutely destroyed that treadmill with an average 9:00 min pace per mile, and you better believe I was pretending I was running on a completely different treadmill in a disneylandesque gym about an hours drive northwest (I think. I'll be the first to admit I am not good with directions) of Iowa City.

    After that bombass run and my hour of incline walking (obviously still trying to get that Kim K booty), I had a way better leg day than expected. I actually pushed myself with the exercises I do in my dorm room with my little 8 lb. dumbbells and was doing 25-30 reps of each exercise for sets of 3. Oh, and I decided to also do 3 sets of 60 sit ups. Yeah you read that right, 60 FREAKING SIT UPS IN A ROW. I can still remember the days last summer when doing 10 sit ups in a row felt awful. Now, here we are, busting them out and actually not hating doing them. It still shocks me to see just how much strength progression I have made since this summer, when I decided to really start taking my lifting seriously. Like, I'm actually starting to look like I life and oh yeah I may have lifted every single day of Thanksgiving break. I guarantee that I'll be looking jacked by 2018, you just wait!

    Now, I'm sure you all remember way back in like September when I had to write that paper for my online class on Interpersonal Effectiveness where I set 2 goals/intentions that I was to work on throughout the semester and then eventually write a final paper on how much progress I had made towards said goals/intentions. Well, shit, the time has come to write that paper (waiting until Saturday, cause the thought of even starting that paper right now scares me a ton and also stresses me the freak out). I know what you're thinking, "But Caitlyn, you've come so far mentally and physically in your running abilities that you will have no problem running 13.1 miles straight this summer." And you're right. Although at the time of me designating that as one of my goals, I hadn't run more than 6 miles since cross country. So, clearly that's not the goal I'm worried about reporting back on to my teacher and fellow classmates. Yup, in addition to sharing these very personal goals/intentions with our teacher we also have to share a small part of our paper with the rest of our class online. Merry Freakin' Christmas to me, right?! And yes I feel like I am that dumbass in the class who decided to set that one impossible goal that they knew from the get go was way outside there comfort zone, but somehow thought that through taking this class I would somehow magically ditch the whole being incredibly socially awkward thing. Newsflash: That did NOT happen and here we are still trudging through the quicksand making every excuse possible for why I shouldn't jump that fudging hurdle and imaging virtually every worst case scenario for what could happen if x finds out y. And trying to decide where I should by that one way plane ticket to when that happens. I'm thinking Jamaica, but open to suggestions.

    Bottom line. I have two options when it comes to writing this paper. Because at this point, actually making any significant progress toward that other goal by Saturday...is impossible. I know, I know, nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it. Well, again socially awkward girl with like zero self-confidence reporting for duty. So, it might as well be impossible given the circumstances. Option one is to spin some story about how I really tried to put the effort in, but the timing was just never right. And that I did indeed make some progress, just maybe not in the way I was hoping or had anticipated. Personally, I feel like this option is at least 80% truthful, but like I ain't no liar so I guess option two it is. Option two is to talk about that progress I made, but to not sugar coat anything. Admit to all those times I really didn't put a whole lot of effort in or was to scared to say one word, let alone put together an entire sentence in my head and say it out loud. Talk about the obstacles/unexpected things that popped up and hindered my progress. Oh, and most importantly, how working toward goal one has enabled me to use running as a way to avoid working on this goal. Like who in their right mind would choose a potentially extremely awkward conversation over running 8 miles and putting both your mind and body through excruciating pain while simultaneously enjoying every second of it. So, really, there probably wasn't any scenario in which I made decent progress toward both goals given that they conflict so perfectly with each other. Honestly, it's a wonder I've even made so much progress toward that second goal. You know what they say, "Some progress is better than no progress," even if that progress is pretty microscopic.

    I hope by this point you are laughing to yourself and thinking something like, "Oh my, Caitlyn's life is such a mess, it would make for some really great/terrible reality TV." Because, I would absolutely agree with you on that. This is going to be a crazy next few weeks and yes I am counting down the days/hours/minutes/seconds till I am back in BP...judge me! Oh, and ya know lot's of papers and note cards and a final to study for. NBD. I got this. Don't be surprised if I don't get in my usual 3 posts a week, although I plan to. Blogging really does serve as the perfect distraction/outlet for when life gets to stressful/busy. Oh, and binge watching 'New Girl' just waiting for Jess and Nick to get back together. I'm like midway through season 4...so if it doesn't happen by the time I finish the show, you'll find me spending Christmas break crying in a corner somewhere asking why life has to be so cruel.
'
Technical Difficulties

Technical Difficulties

One Week, 47 Miles

One Week, 47 Miles