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If it won't matter in 5 years, Don't spend more than 5 minutes upset by it

If it won't matter in 5 years, Don't spend more than 5 minutes upset by it

    How many times have you heard someone say this? Probably at least a million times. Well I'm calling bullshit on this quote. First of all, if you had told me 5 years ago that I would be where I'm at right now in school/fitness/life in general I probably (most definitely) would not have believed you. Bottom line: How can you even begin to say something won't matter in 5 years when you don't even know what's gonna happen tomorrow, let alone five years from now? I can think of so many things in my own life that have happened in the past that I thought wouldn't matter in the future, but guess what? They are still all to relevant in my life. Now, I am all for not sweating/stressing over the small stuff, but in the grand scheme of things, something that seems super small/insignificant at the time, could actually end up completely changing your attitude/perspective/life. So, I guess this is the point where I give some (let's go with 5, just to keep the trend going) real world examples in my own life to try and convince you that this quote/mindset is complete bullshit. Alright. This should be interesting.

    " If you starve yourself, you'll just gain all the weight back." I was probably 11 or 12 when these words were said to me on a cool summer morning. I can remember exactly were I was sitting, and exactly the ways those words sounded when they came out of a thirty something year olds mouth as a snide comment in regards to me not being hungry for breakfast. At this point I had I have no clue how much weight I had lost. I can remember being a size 14, I'm a size 5/7 now, just for reference. Yes, there were other people sitting there at that picnic table, and yes they probably could have said something in my defense, heck I could have/should have said something. But the point is, I didn't get upset or call that person out, ever. And it wasn't until a good 6 or 7 years later that even told anyone about this situation. The point I'm trying to make is, this was my attempt at weight loss and thing could have went completely differently had I never heard that comment. And I can honestly say that 5 years after this comment was made (and now a good 10 years later) it still matters. It matters because this wouldn't be the first person to pretty much flat out call me anorexic. It's little comments like this that really get inside your head, make you overly critical of your body and diet. And lead to things like body dysmorphia and binge eating. Also, guess who took a clinical psychology class in college and learned about all the diagnostic criteria that is necessary in order for someone to be diagnosed with an eating disorder. Yeah this chick did, and obviously the first thing I though of sitting in class was the situation and how people really shouldn't be just throwing around words like anorexic or bulimic when they don't even know the psychology behind the disorder.

    With the above example and the next four, the point I'm trying to make is that I honestly wish I had taken the time to get upset/deal with my emotions/and stand up for myself. Because then things probably would have turned out differently. Not that I'm at all upset with the way things are, but dealing with your emotions in the moment or right after a stressful situation makes a whole lot more sense than just bottling them up for years and pretending they don't bother you. If I had done this, I don't think the majority of these things would matter, or at least not to the degree that they do today. Okay. Onto the next example.

    As a kid I spent the majority of my summers at the pool, with friends or my dad. And now I can't even imagine having to go to my hometown pool and be seen out in public in a bathing suit. That would literally be my worst nightmare. And I haven't been to that pool nearly five years. Yeah and you can bet there's a reason why the last time I was there was the last time. It's honestly not as dramatic as I am making it out to be, but it was pretty uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that I have so many good memories from my childhood there and I loved swimming. And I really, really would like to get back that place where I enjoy it without have to worry about, well I guess I should get into the story so you know. It was the summer before my senior year of high school. I had obviously lost a significant amount of weight, but still wasn't super thrilled about the thought of having to go out in public in a bathing suit. But, my two of my friends wanted to hang out at the pool, so I figured things wouldn't be that bad. Well of of these friends just so happened to notice the stretch marks I have on my shoulder blades and wanted to know where those scratches came from. I was absolutely mortified. I didn't have the heart to say explain what they actually were, because I didn't want to make her feel bad for pointing out something that made me so self-conscious/uncomfortable. Clearly this still very much matters today, considering I have not been back to that pool since then, or any pool.

    This next example isn't anything a that has impacted me that much, but like it was the whole reason I didn't come back for homecoming the year after I got crowned queen, haven't been in the high school gym since I got my diploma, and oh may or may not have taken my crown, broke it into little pieces and threw it into the trash when I went home one weekend during my freshman year of college. Oh, and it might be part of the reason why I've never had the courage to ask anyone I've ever liked out. Because obviously I'm not going to be "good enough" for them. But, do not fear, my mother still has the sash, not that that is the important part of being a queen; because we all know that the crown is what really gives ya all the power. I can still remember sitting in the ICN room in high school when my friend slid me a note during Spanish class. We were writing back and forth and before I knew it the conversation went from casual to emotionally charged. When you have like zero self-confidence, and win something as big of a deal as homecoming queen (sidenote: it's honestly not that big of a deal, but when you're in high school, it seems like the biggest deal), your confidence actually gets a slight boost. And then of course when you find out a certain someone thinks you didn't deserve it, you immediately attribute that comment to the fact that you're not a size 2, drop-dead gorgeous girl that would typically be thought of as being worthy of being crowned queen. I know that I for sure spent more than 5 minutes being upset about this one, but to have it still affect me a year later and prevent me from going back to crown the next queen, that's pretty sad.

    Senior year was clearly one for the books, because literally less than 2 months after getting a new (to me) cherry red Chevy impala, I completely totaled it on my way home from school on an icy January afternoon. I feel like this is probably one of the only examples I have that you all reading this will actually agree makes sense to still matter almost 4 years later. But it is particularly relevant right now, for reasons that like zero of y'all know. But first, guess who went like a whole year plus of not driving at all after this happened. Oh and still hasn't driven by themselves since. Ya, you already know. Not to mention that right after it happened, I literally had to close my eyes every car ride to school when we got within a few blocks of where it happened, and keep them closed until we reached the parking lot. Oh and just riding in a car when the roads are snow packed or icy stresses me out to no end, still. Flash forward to why this is relevant today, besides that fact that I have to rely on my dad to shuttle me back and forth to the gym, which makes me feel like shit because uh hello I'm almost 22 freaking years old. But, that's not the point, the point is...he's looking for a different vehicle for himself and has said that if he finds one I can have his Chevy Equinox. And here I am thinking about how weird it is gonna feel to drive myself around for a change. So, yeah, I can say that I was upset about this situation for a hell of a lot longer than 5 minutes and it still matter 4 years later. I mean it was the worst day of my life, so it will probably still matter 20 years from now.

    Example 5 and the most recent one. It's only 2.5 years old, so I know it technically doesn't follow the 5 year rule, but it's still matters way more than it should!! The first year of college is the one of the most stressful/awful/scary times of your life. You feel like nothing you learned in high school has prepared you for all the crazy shit being thrown your way and you have zero friends. Okay, that probably isn't the case for everyone. And I at least had Lane by my side, without that kid I don't think I would have made it. Anyhow, during the summer leading up to college and every break during that first year, when I went home I looked forward to lifting in the high school weight room. That place was like freaking Disney world in my eyes. I hated having to rely on weight machines and having zero free weights while at college. I tried lifting at the CRWC once that first semester and that was an epic failure. So, going home and getting to lift in a familiar environment was the greatest thing on earth. It was also nice to catch up with people who I hadn't seen in forever. I continued to do so the summer after my freshman year of college, but I didn't lift there the whole summer. Why? Well the short version is that when you're as into fitness as I was and still am, there are always going to be people who think because you're not a size 2 with a six-pack...you must be doing something wrong. And I still have lose skin/stretch marks, so when you're doing a lot of jumping around while working out, people are going to notice the lose skin. As a result, the last day I was in the weight room, I can vividly remember back squatting and glancing in the mirror to find a group of high school jocks staring at me, judging me. And that is why I never went back there and why I am so damn self-conscious lifting around guys at my town's public gym. And trust me the guys there are no asshole high school jocks...so there are 0 logical reasons for me to be self-conscious. But, here we are, writing about it because it still matters. I wish I could go back in time and convince myself to ignore them and continue lifting in a place that I cherished so much. It really isn't fair that I let them take that from me, it's like they erased every good memory I had of working out there, and just ruined that place for me. I was definitely not upset about that one for more than 5 minutes. I just convinced myself that I needed to get used to lifting on my own for when I went back to college. And shoved that memory to the back of my brain, where it's been ever since.

    Takeaway point from all of these stories? Well you probably got to know me way, way better than you were planning on. Or maybe you already knew most of these? I feel like most people only know about the car accident though. Anyhow, all I really wanted to say (hence this long ass post) was that you can't set an arbitrary number like 5 years or 5 minutes for how long to be upset about something or for how long it's going to matter. Also, don't be that person who just hides there emotions and never deals with them. I know it sounds like a good idea in the moment, but long term, you're much better off dealing with them right away after something upsets you. Or just put it all out on the Internet for random strangers (or even people you know) to read, because I feel so much better just typing out these stories and getting them out of my head. Well, if you made it this far, you are the real MVP, and I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking around for what has been an extremely emotional post.   
   
Caitlyn vs. Treadmill vs. Nine Page Paper

Caitlyn vs. Treadmill vs. Nine Page Paper

No Regrets, No Excuses

No Regrets, No Excuses